We are easily put into the trap of losing ourselves. The modern world takes us into a deep unconscious state of running towards something unattainable. We think the fog around us will disappear, once we accomplish what society makes us want. It’s easy to believe it since everyone thinks the fog is temporary and will disappear as long as you keep running.
The fog prevents you from seeing who you are.
Very often we lose ourselves. It’s easy to fall into this trap since human beings are dependent on the opinions of society. Our psyche is constantly looking for something to overcome or achieve. That could be good when you are the master of your desires. However, we are easily used, and tricked by society into seeking goals that society wants us to achieve.
Society and civilization
The civilization of society makes us function as a whole and is what gives us structure and order to not express our deep-rooted beastly behaviors. We live in civilized times, where people apologize for no reason. In some cultures more than others. We live mostly in a very polite, peaceful world. Thanks to our civilized societies.
However, the harm created by society to the individual, it’s when the individual loses himself in wishful, delusional approval from society. The individual begins to put the opinion of others before his own. By doing so, he can acquire what he wants from society. He may get to be respected, needed, and hopefully, loved. Although all of this is going to be beneficial for him, he may lose himself by letting his true self disappear into the fog.
Independent thinking
Every human has four endowments – self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change.
– Stephen Covey
To have your own way of living life, outside of what society thinks about it, takes a lot of independent thinking and courage. The development of independent thinking will be more difficult, for a person that can’t handle being alone. When you think like an independent individual, you will have moments of solitude, since your way of thinking isn’t what most people agree with.
Therefore, you may need to develop a tolerance for being alone. Also finding like-minded self-aware people, independent-thinking individuals, will be helpful. Sharing your time with the wrong people it’s a painful, time-wasting experience. Choose wisely the people you spend and share time with.
Who you are?
Difficult question to answer! Buddhists think we are the awareness of our experience. That we are not our thoughts, but the thing that is aware of them. That awareness of yourself, that never changes and stays always the same.
A good way to identify your true self with. However, what I’m referring to as the self is more of Carl Jung’s understanding of the self.
The self, according to Carl Jung, signifies the unification of consciousness and unconsciousness in a person and represents the psyche as a whole. It is realized as the product of individuation
You have purpose and true desires, that your psyche wants to express in the world. By wanting to be accepted and get the approval of the people (the society) we lose the connection with our true purpose in life.
We have to stand up for what we believe in, even when we might not be popular for it. Honesty starts with being ourselves, authentic and true to who we are and what we believe in, and that may not always be popular, but it will always let you follow your dreams and your heart.
– Tabatha Coffey
We chase money because money is a valuable resource to have if you want to be approved and respected, but we lose ourselves in the process. Money is necessary, but we can’t choose money before everything else. We can get rich by chasing money, but we can get rich by chasing our purpose as well. Which is gonna be a more fulfilling and satisfying process? I believe in chasing your purpose in life more than chasing materialism. We can fail in the process. However, we can achieve fulfillment, which is better than short-term happiness.
Self-awareness
How are we supposed to change something we don’t know we have to? In order to change our thinking or behavior, we need to develop self-awareness. However, just self-awareness is not enough. We need knowledge if we want to change! Self-awareness plus knowledge it’s the most effective tool for transformation!
The power of enjoying being alone
When you don’t fear being alone, you become more authentic. You don’t fear expressing your opinion when you think someone will not like it. You are okay with being alone, so you can lose people, if necessary. That gives you a chance to express your authentic self, instead of losing yourself because of others.
A lot of people are bored when they are alone. They feel sad and rejected. In situations where they need to express themselves, they keep quiet in a fearful state of not wanting to upset anybody. We call them conformists.
When we have something to lose by expressing ourselves, we tend to neglect our opinion and agree peacefully with others. This can be a clever idea sometimes when we don’t want to upset someone. But sometimes we lose what we fear the most anyway. Usually our fear of losing something it’s what makes us lose it.
Developing the ability to enjoy your own company and let go of people who damage your well-being, is crucial for our authentic expression of ourselves.
The Courage
At the end of the day, without a bit of courage, losing ourselves is secure.
Courage is something we need in our day-to-day life, at least in most cases. Although the threatening governments, of today’s world, call us heroes by staying at home, it is hard to believe that courage is still valuable. However, it is.. more than ever.
We can argue about whether courage is a product of nurture or nature or maybe both. Do we develop courage by nurturing or is innate in us? I believe everyone has enough courage and willpower when they have a good reason, a good why, and a sense of meaning.
he who has why can bear any how
– Friedrich Nietzsche
The bottom line
Choose wisely what you are about to do in life. Are you the person who decides it…
Being a fake person will bring us the wrong people in our social circle. You may have a lot of ‘’friends’’ but the wrong ones. Chasing the wrong things may get you rich life, without fulfillment. Chasing the wrong partner may destroy your peace. Chasing the approval of others may bring you a scarcity mentality. Chasing pleasure may bring you suffering.
Losing ourselves will make us miserable. Don’t neglect what you know is right for you. The path we should take, I believe, is the path of fulfillment.
